Welcome to Little Steps

This is nizzyool, finally creating a blog for my fictions. You may find me at Asianfanfics, AsianFanFiction, or Winglin with the same username. I'm Indonesian, currently going to University of Indonesia, majoring in Korean Language and Culture.

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Enjoy your stay here!

-because every steps started with one little step.

Sunday, June 10, 2012



A leader’s task is to protect the members.
I believe that with all my heart. So I try my best protecting my members. Though maybe my way of protecting doesn’t seem like protecting for the others.
But every road is rocky road, Changmin.

A/N: Warning! 1) This theme may be sensitive for some readers. Please take note that I don’t take side between JYJ and Homin and I am not trying to make a theory on their split. I am just trying to imagine that maybe, maybe Yunho had once felt this way. 2) This has not been revised yet. I really want to revise here and there but as I read and read again, I just can’t. So here it is, raw, as what I wrote for the first time. Pardon for any incoherent sentences and jumpy plot.



Yunho had kept their eye contacts for quite a while. He’d been repeating the same thing for some times but the other party sitting across him was just remained silent, didn’t give any reaction.

“For these times being, I beg you. Please stand by my side.”

“I know your rational self won’t like this, but please don’t question me this time.” He continued. “I’m just trying to do what’s right according to me, and I need you to back me up.”

Changmin stared at him deeply, still didn’t budge.

 “You believe that I love all four of you and I care about you all so much to the point I’m willing to sacrifice myself, right?”

Changmin could feel the bitterness behind Yunho’s words. He closed his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re going to act out the pathetic betrayer.” He finally let out some words.

Yunho chuckled bitterly. “As expected from the smartass. You’ve known all along, haven’t you?”

“Why?” Changmin sounded exasperated. “Why do you choose the rocky road?”

“Every road is rocky road, Changmin.” Yunho answered calmly.

“Still, it won’t be that hard if we go through it together.” The younger reasoned out.

“Changmin, please, don’t start. It’s better for you if you don’t know—“

“Don’t know about what? You expected me to back you up then let myself crushed into pieces without knowing a thing?” Changmin shot back.

Yunho let out heavy sigh. “We have to stay, Changmin. No matter what. This is the best for the five of us.” He stared to the younger, ready to accept any curse he’d throw.

“How can be separated is the best for us? Dong Bang Shin Ki is five, and only when we are five, we are called Dong Bang Shin Ki! I thought you know that better than anyone else, Leader.” The younger was being the cynic him.

“First of all, a leader’s task is to protect the members. That’s what I’m trying to do know. I’m protecting the four of you.” Yunho explained. “Though the way I’m protecting you may not seem like protecting in your eyes, but trust me, I’m doing this not for my own sake.” He glanced at the younger who was spacing out.

“You say you are protecting them, but you are doing that by sacrificing me, don’t you realize that?” Changmin stared at the older, his tone was not shaky. Since the first time Yunho asked him to go drinking while the other three had been sleeping, he knew where the conversation would lead to. He’d been noticing that Yunho always looked somehow uncomfortable and worried every time Jaejoong brought up this topic. It’s not like he hadn’t predicted this.

Yunho was taken aback by Changmin’s words. “How—why do you think I’m sacrificing you? I would never—I want to protect you as well!”

Changmin chuckled bitterly. “You asked me to stand by you no matter what, and you are going to sacrifice yourself. Isn’t it you indirectly ask me to sacrifice myself as well?” He bit his lip. “You let the three go, but why on earth you want me to stay? Why not Junsu hyung? Why not Yoochun hyung? Why not Jaejoong hyung?”

Yunho was still at loss of words. “I—I don’t mean it that way.” He stuttered.

Changmin heaved a sigh. “You love Jaejoong hyung and Junsu hyung so much, don’t you? And you just cannot ask Yoochun hyung to do this since you don’t have the heart to separate him from Jaejoong hyung. Therefore, your only choice is me.” He spoke out his theory.

Yunho hung his head low. He really didn’t mean it… But he had to admit, there was some truth in Changmin’s theory. Changmin was his sole choice.

“I can understand your reasons.” Yunho looked up at the younger. “I know your circumstances. It’s not like you have another choice. I don’t blame you.”

Yunho felt slightly relief—very,very slightly—that he finally had someone understood his point of view.

Changmin put his hand on the older’s shoulder. “Don’t take the entire burden on your shoulders. You can share with me.”

At this point, Yunho didn’t know why suddenly his chest felt tightened and the brink of his eyes started glistening.

“I will help you protect them, hyung.”

Yunho had always been grateful to have Changmin as the maknae. Though he’s not as close to Changmin as he’s to Jaejoong, though Changmin’s not the most vulnerable one he had to guard all the time, though Changmin’s not the one he enjoyed his company while extra-practicing till late at night… Changmin’s the one who would be willing to put aside his rationalism and crazily take his side. Changmin might not be the one he’s most comfortable with to share his feelings with, but Changmin had this understanding side which he didn’t show very often. He cherished him with all his heart.

“Thanks, Changmin.”


A/N: Well yeah, this is bitter and gloomy. Anything related to the split is bitter and gloomy. I don’t know why but I have always thought this way about Yunho. All five of them are affected by the split, there’s no doubt (and not only them, truthfully speaking. So many people were affected).

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. And please, if you don’t agree with the story, state your disagreement nicely.


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